Perfection!
I’m sure many of you remember the game where you had to fit all the funky shaped little pegs into their appropriately shaped holes before the timer counted down, the board popped up and they all went flying again?
Anyway, that’s how I feel lately. I’m holding too many funky shaped pieces and they don’t look at all like any of the holes in my board. Every time I think things are settled the way I want them, something happens and the whole thing explodes in my face.
I’ve always fought against one form of perfectionism or another. Either I’ll hyper focus on something until it’s just right or I’ll give up midway through, knowing my completed project will never look like the one on the box cover (or whatever).
Writing currently falls under the hyper-focus category, which is good in a way, since I’ve always given up on it in the past. Bria dubbed me the Highly Theoretical FlanTastic Diva, because I always seem to have my nose in a craft book, offer some suggestion based on something I’ve read, or wax philosophical here on the blog about what I’m learning.
I think it’s funny, but I also must admit it’s very accurate. I’ve always been very interested in theory – music theory, economic theory, etc. The trick is gaining a solid grounding in the theory and then allowing myself the freedom to flop spectacularly when I try to put it into practice.
I still haven’t finished Dunne’s Emotional Structure yet. (I know. I need to finish it so I have something else to talk about. =P) I feel the panic building as I read the book and wonder, how in the hell am I going to be able to pull this off! I’m standing on that delicate balance point where it’s either fight or flight. I can’t afford to back away from this challenge. I need to push myself to try his approach. I need to work through my apprehension and self-doubt. My first attempt(s) may not be pretty, but they will be learning experiences.
I’m still not happy with those three sentences from yesterday. I need to work on them some more so I can expand them to three pages. After that, I can have fun playing with index cards! It sounds like a lot of work, but I suspect it’s exactly what I’ve been avoiding and it’s showed.
I don’t remember the game, but I know the feeling well!:)
Be good to yourself, put one foot in front of the other and who knows what wonders may happen.
Thanks Kimberley! That’s how I often operate, one step at a time.
I think I’m just stressing because DH is out of town again and the kids don’t want to settle back into the normal routine as well as having to committing to and exploring these emotional truths in this story.
Wow, what a pretty blog, Kaige! I love it! You do some darn good blogging, too. And you’re so dedicated, doing it every day. How do you manage that? I can barely do it once a month! 🙂
I understand how you feel. I could write and rewrite a chapter for weeks on end. I’m a perfectionist. (What can I say when I’ve got Virgo as my moon sign?) One of the hardest things I had to learn was to sit and write without doing too much editing, and then work the kinks of the story later.
Yeah, I remember that game. What a great image. I’ve learned the hardest thing sometimes is just letting go of that control and just writing. You can always edit later.
http://moondancerdrake.livejournal.com/
Thanks, Ally! I wish I could take credit for the way the blog looks, but all I did was pick one of the color variations of one of the standard templates here at wordpress.com. As far as doing it every day, I have missed a few since I started. I try not to let it take up too much of my time and I find I spend more time looking for images! Basically, like writing 1k words in my journal every day, I made a deal with myself to blog consistently. Now I just need to add in a set period of time to work on the WIP. LOL The chat challenges help with that — unless I’m supervising homework.
Tempest and Moondancer, one of the best ways to stuff my internal editor in a box is through RDs live chat. The chat challenges are perfect for this — hard to self-edit and write when you have to admit how many words you managed to get down on the page in 20 minutes!
I’m actually in more of a panic over life outside of writing right now. It’s all in finding that balance point… still not there yet. Working on it though! Writing and RD are actually keeping me sane right now — I know I’m not alone in my struggles and that really helps.